I Had A Dream…..

Last night I had the most beautiful dream. It was about Joe and he was here, alive. It felt very real, it was like he came to visit me for a while. I’ve had quite a few of these dreams over the past 14 months. My first dream happened on the night we found out about his death. I’ve had many since then and each one feels very real-life. My dreams with Joe seem to last for hours. I often question what do dreams actually mean? Dream interpretation…I wish I understood it.

In my dream last night, we were in my car driving to a party and Joe was in the backseat, talking and laughing. I kept looking in my rear-view mirror to make sure I wasn’t imagining this in my head. I wasn’t, it was Joe. I parked my car and we all walked inside a house, but I could not tell you whose house it was. I just kept staring at my Son, saying his name repeatedly, Joe? Joe? It felt like a breeze of fresh air had entered into my lungs, my heart was beating with excitement and I kept telling myself this is a dream, it has to be a dream. Then, he talked to me. His words, “yah Ma, it’s me, I’m here now.” He then tells me, “why does everyone think I died? Ma, I’m right here.” There were a lot of people around us, everybody beaming with excitement to see him as he laughed and talked to everyone. Then, I seen his friend James. I told him, “James, go over to see Joe! It’s him, he’s here, outside! Go see him, he is very much alive!” He looked at me and he began to cry, he couldn’t believe what I was saying then Joe yelled out his name, “James, hey come out here man, hurry up!” He jumped out of his seat and ran outside. We could all hear Joe in his loud voice, it was the sound I’ve been missing for 14 months. It was incredible to watch, at the same time it was the most joyful feeling I’ve ever had watching him surrounded by so many happy people.

I love you so much Joseph♥️I miss you to no end.

Then, somehow we ended up at a house and we’re both sitting down talking. We’re talking about everything, but honestly I can’t remember what “everything” was at this point. His phone rings, it’s a friend of his asking Joe all these questions. And, he met me recently and I told him Joe had died. Joe explains to him it was all wrong and they keep talking for a while. After he hangs up, he asks me where did I meet his friend and why am I telling everyone he died? Joe, I’ve been trying to keep your memory alive and I didn’t think you were coming back Son. Son, I was wrong and thank God I was wrong. He mentioned something about me being on the news, but I can’t remember specifically what he said. Then, he looks at me and says, “I love you Ma” and tells me he was going to visit a girl he was talking to before he left months ago. I told him, I know I met her too. He smiles and tells me he knows I met her. I was beaming and over the top so happy. I can’t believe this was really true, I believed it was real and once again my heart continued to beat faster as this warm feeling soaked inside my body. It was like someone took a water hose and filled it with warm water and it kept running thru my inside, it was soothing. and absolutely amazing! Once again, Joe tells me, “I love you” then he left to see his friend. And, I woke up.

This dream seemed to last for hours. Usually, I can’t remember details of my dreams but this was different. The ironic thing about this was a few months prior, my daughter Julie had a similar dream and Joe was alive. She told him the same thing, she thought he had died and everyone thought the same thing. She told him we had this big Celebration of Life and there were a thousand people who came to say goodbye. He told her he was sorry, but he had to go away for a while but he was back. She told me her dream lasted a long time too. I remember feeling so happy and filled up with excitement! I woke up this morning and looked in Joe’s room and walked over to his bed to lay down. I cried as my heart felt extremely heavy, at the same time warm too. So, I began to write this on paper because I didn’t want to forget. This felt so real, I had my son back for a little while. If it’s the only way to have him I’ll take it.

What does this mean? People tell me dreams have a message. What was the message in my dream last night? What was message in my daughter’s dream? Whatever it is, I hope it happens again because if that’s the only way for me to see Joe and it gets me through another day in life, God thank you!.

Published by Losing Joe - Finding My Way Thru Grief

My name is Elaine Suarez, I am a mother of 3 children; Joseph 27, Allie 25, Juliana 21. I’ve been married to the love of my life, Isadore, for 33 years. We’ve been blessed with three healthy and beautiful children. We raised our kids with unconditional love, joy for family, knowing our Catholic Faith, and the importance of working hard to achieve life goals. The five of us never left each others presence without saying, “I love you.” We are an extremely close family. On the morning of May 29, 2018, at approximately 11:00 am, I received a phone call from the coroner's office notifying me that our only son, Joseph Anthony Suarez, age 27, was deceased. And, just like that, in a matter of less than 2 seconds our life would never again be the same. Everything changed, we changed. Joseph (Joe) was only 27 and his life had come to an abrupt and devastating end. He is the eldest of three, he is our only son and only brother to our two daughters. Joe’s life ended way too soon. This was not fixable. The coroner kept his body for 21 days; therefore, we never got to say goodbye. His body was not the same body we last seen on May 28, 2018..healthy, vibrant, moving in life with no fear yet full of love for family, friends, and life itself. We chose to remember our son the way we last seen him, not on a steel flat gurney and unrecognizable after being touched and God knows what else from the autopsy. We celebrated his life remembering all the beautiful things he gave to each of us, his smile and his infectious personality that lit up a room the moment he entered, his love for us and our love for him. He is and will forever be with us, his spiritual self is way too big to not be here and I will work as best as I can to keep that beautiful spirit alive. I made Joe a promise on the day I said out loud in his bedroom while on my knees, “Okay God, I’m going to give him back to you because I want him safe and at peace.” I promised Joe I will NEVER let him be forgotten...not ever, and I would try to do my very best to breathe to live every day. This is my story of Losing Joe. Son, I love you to no end, Joseph Anthony Suarez. We will forever be a team my Jeh. ♥️i love u forever, your Meh.♥️

2 thoughts on “I Had A Dream…..

  1. It does mean something.

    I am one of those told that there is going to be a reunion, between the living and those presumed gone – but that the reunion will take place on earth. It’s been 12 years for me, but of late, I am sensing something or someone is coming.

    Pray about what you have been shown, but walk close to Jesus so as not to misread the signs. Listen and wait. God will speak. Don’t give up your post at the watchman’s tower, not even if the wait is long. There will be days when you might break and give up. It’s alright, it only means we’re human. After a time, return to your watch and keep looking out, even as you reach out and care for others.

    In fact, as you wait, it is imperative that you reach out to those God puts in your path. I suspect that is what thins the veil between us and our loved one’s who’ve left.

    God be with you and your family.

    Liked by 1 person

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