Crying Hurts

Tonight I drove by our house on Kamloops, parked my car across the street from our house we lived in for 15+ years and I cried. I cried as I imagined you walking out the front door. I cried as I could see us all eating dinner in the dining room. I cried as I looked at the driveway and thru the fence I could see the lights in the backyard, Daytona Beach was back there (your nickname for our giant-sized beautiful swimming pool) and I cried more. I turned off my car, looked over at the neighbors house and they both still live there in the houses across from ours, both neighbors. I wanted to go knock on their door and cry more. I wanted to see and talk to them about you, try to live thru their memories and reminisce how our kids lived life with laughter and fun growing up together. I cried because their houses were dark, no lights were on and I knew it would be a mistake to go knock on their door. I cried thinking of when you would ride your bike home from Jr. High school, then driving your truck home from High School. I cried thinking of so many memories we created in that house. I cried as I started my car and drove away, thinking of my life today without you, My Son. I cry missing you and cry harder because all I have now are memories. As I drove home, I cried. Took a shower and got in bed, my tears they wouldn’t stop, Joseph! I’m now in your bedroom, laying in your bed looking at everything here that is still yours. My tears now sting my eyes, it hurts. I’m getting sleepy now, it’s 12:34 am, I think I’ll close my eyes. I’m still crying, it still hurts.

Joseph, please come to my dreams tonight my son, please help me.

I Love You So Much😢

Published by Losing Joe - Finding My Way Thru Grief

My name is Elaine Suarez, I am a mother of 3 children; Joseph 27, Allie 25, Juliana 21. I’ve been married to the love of my life, Isadore, for 33 years. We’ve been blessed with three healthy and beautiful children. We raised our kids with unconditional love, joy for family, knowing our Catholic Faith, and the importance of working hard to achieve life goals. The five of us never left each others presence without saying, “I love you.” We are an extremely close family. On the morning of May 29, 2018, at approximately 11:00 am, I received a phone call from the coroner's office notifying me that our only son, Joseph Anthony Suarez, age 27, was deceased. And, just like that, in a matter of less than 2 seconds our life would never again be the same. Everything changed, we changed. Joseph (Joe) was only 27 and his life had come to an abrupt and devastating end. He is the eldest of three, he is our only son and only brother to our two daughters. Joe’s life ended way too soon. This was not fixable. The coroner kept his body for 21 days; therefore, we never got to say goodbye. His body was not the same body we last seen on May 28, 2018..healthy, vibrant, moving in life with no fear yet full of love for family, friends, and life itself. We chose to remember our son the way we last seen him, not on a steel flat gurney and unrecognizable after being touched and God knows what else from the autopsy. We celebrated his life remembering all the beautiful things he gave to each of us, his smile and his infectious personality that lit up a room the moment he entered, his love for us and our love for him. He is and will forever be with us, his spiritual self is way too big to not be here and I will work as best as I can to keep that beautiful spirit alive. I made Joe a promise on the day I said out loud in his bedroom while on my knees, “Okay God, I’m going to give him back to you because I want him safe and at peace.” I promised Joe I will NEVER let him be forgotten...not ever, and I would try to do my very best to breathe to live every day. This is my story of Losing Joe. Son, I love you to no end, Joseph Anthony Suarez. We will forever be a team my Jeh. ♥️i love u forever, your Meh.♥️

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