The last day of 2020 started 7 minutes ago. It’s 12:07 am in the Pacific time zone. (Note: I wrote this on New Year’s Eve.) I completely forgot today is New Year’s Eve, I guess because it’s not such a big deal anymore. Celebrations of any kind are not the same anymore. It’s so quietContinue reading “Holding On”
Losing Joe has changed my life, there is so much of him missing every minute of every day. Joe gave my life air. Sometimes, I lay in his bed and I close my eyes and I imagine him walking into his room asking me, “Ma, what are you doing? Why are you in my room?Continue reading “When I Close My Eyes”
Tonight I drove by our house on Kamloops, parked my car across the street from our house we lived in for 15+ years and I cried. I cried as I imagined you walking out the front door. I cried as I could see us all eating dinner in the dining room. I cried as IContinue reading “Crying Hurts”
Fear, does it scare you? If yes, what is your greatest fear in life? Name just one. Fear makes thinking hurt. Sometimes it hurts so hard I can’t breathe. I often fall to my knees …in silence. Fear is real. Life. It can blindside a family in a blink. Fear, what do we most fearContinue reading “FEAR”
I woke up this morning (6/30/2020) at 4:00 a.m. and couldn’t go back to sleep. My mind began racing. I picked up my phone and looked at the date, 764 days. It’s been 764 days of life without our Son, Joseph. Feels like 7 hrs. 64 minutes, or 7 minutes-64 seconds, what it doesn’t feelContinue reading “764 Days”
As I wake up to this day, I can hear my phone pinging one after another. It’s Mother’s Day. Text messages are coming in to wish me a beautiful day. I look at my phone there’s 23 text messages, I look forward to reading each one, somebody’s thoughtful words sent my way gives my heartContinue reading “Year 2 – Mother’s Day You’re Still Not Here”
I’m angry. I’m sad. I’m confused. I’m tired. I’m laughing. I’m hurt. I’m running. I’m frightened. I’m worried. Im trying. I’m uncertain. I’m exhausted. I’m crying. I’m scared. I’m anxious. I’m dreaming. I’m crazy. I’m hoping. I’m shocked. I’m smiling. I’m screaming. I’m lost. I’m praying. I’m Sorry.